The Great Panjandrum was reading a scholarly article on Viking ships, which had been brought to his attention by a Danish cat named Skrill. This article, by one Dr. Gunnarson, claimed that Vikings had driven their ships (in the absence of wind) using propellers, probably driven by pedals, and that the oars were either decorative or used for fighting and close maneuvering. As evidence, he provided pictures of holes in the wooden hulls of antique Viking ships, which he claimed were positioned just right for propeller shafts. As to why no propellers or propeller shafts had been found among the ships – Professor Gunnarson said that these valuable metal parts were salvaged from sunken ships for use elsewhere, or simply rusted.

The Great Panjandrum was skeptical, and the next day he went to do some research at the public library. Creeping through the bushes, he went round to the Cat entrance behind a spruce tree, and onto the Cat floor of the library. The Cat floor was just below the main floor of the library, and the ceilings were 30 inches high – just right for cats. There, just below the floor of the human library, the cat shelves, the cat librarians, and the cat reference desk carried on their business, unknown to the humans.

The cat reference librarian helped the Great Panjandrum find all the information on Viking ships. There were pictures, and descriptions, and measurements, but it was clear that to really determine whether the propeller theory could be true, the Great Panjandrum would need to examine the Viking ships in person. And that meant going to Norway.

There was a ferry boat being built in Green Bay, Wisconsin, that was to be sent to Norway when finished. The Great Panjandrum kept careful track of the building progress, and when the ferry boat was nearly finished, he packed up two weeks’ worth of food, and went and hid inside the ferry boat. The next day, the ferry was tied to the back of an oil tanker which was on its way to the North Sea.

It took ten days to cross through the Greate Lakes and over the Atlantic. The Great Panjandrum had for company a rat named Starboard (even brand-new ships have rats) and an albatross named Siskind, who decided to travel with the ship to Norway when he heard that there was good fishing there. The three of them passed the time telling stories and jokes, and the Great Panjandrum learned many jokes from Starboard the rat. Unfortunately, all of Starboard’s jokes were too impolite to repeat here.

When the ferry got to Oslo in Norway, the Great Panjandrum went to the museums, sneaking in at night when the museum was closed. He carefully examined the holes, some open and some patched with wooden plugs. Most of the holes had little teeth marks on the inside edge, which exactly matched the way Starboard had described the holes that rats would chew in wooden ships.

The Great Panjandrum went to the University of Oslo, and found the office of Professor Gunnarson. Using the Professor’s typewriter, he typed a note. It said

Look at the inside of the holes in the ships.
Compare the tooth marks there to the teeth of a rat.
They will match.

Then the Great Panjandrum took an airplane home, using his favorite method of sneaking onto a plane. After that, Professor Gunnarson never wrote any more articles about the propellers on Viking ships. But he didn’t say that his earlier article had been wrong, either.

Originally reported 4/2/2010